Zelda Hollywood Movie Confirms Famous Black Actor As Great Deku Tree

Asalam aleikoum how's it going. In my headcanon, Nintendo made several more announcements in the September 8 2026 Zelda 40th Anniversary Direct.

First, they shadow-dropped a new Zelda artbook, a new attempt to ripoff USAjin fans striving to make the games canon with each other. The artbook confirmed two new timelines: the "Link gets turned into a wax figure" timeline, and the "Link doesn't get turned into a wax figure and marries Ruto" timeline. The Zelda OOT Remake was confirmed to be taking place in the "Link gets turned into a wax figure" timeline, sadly.

Next, several announcements pertaining to the Zelda Hollywood movie adaptation were made by a spokeperson.

First, they confirmed that the Great Deku Tree will be played by a very famous Black actor. They didn't confirm who the actor is but shared this key visual "to confirm he is 'from Africa' " The spokeperson was visibly confused when being asked "where?".

Moreover, certain characters had their names modified. Link is still Link, but Zelda has been renamed Sabrina in order to properly showcase that she is a good White princess, sporting a totally White name of White origins. Similarly, Ganondorf Great King of Evil was renamed to Abdelhakim ben Ganon.

Last but not least, Sabrina and Link were also confirmed to be speaking English in the movie, while Abdelhakim speaks in "Simoun", a fictional language which is actually Arabic played in reverse.

According to Nintendo, these were all primordial changes to properly convey The Legend of Zelda to an USAjin audience. Furthermore, these changes were all specifically checked and approved by a "Middle Eastern Specialist", known for TV series 24 and Homeland, according to Nintendo.

Nintendo can do no wrong, and as a lover of Nintendo and Nintendo Products, these announcements only greatly enhanced my interest for the movie, scheduled to hit theaters in 2027.

Here is some commentary as always.

My apologies to my online friends who like discussing Zelda games in terms of what is canon with each other etc, sorry for making fun of you. I do think you're all crazy though.

There are a lot of bigoted, self-proclaimed defenders of otaku culture who actually don't know anything about it. They call anything "censorship" and do a disservice to actual anti-censorship efforts. They often make completely false claims to get mad at "wokes", "DEI", etc.
In the 2010s, some of the satire I'd write would mock these people by trying to think of what they could fabricate next.
In the context of the Zelda OOT Remake, I guess I would have written satire that goes "Saria's skirt is longer in the remake and they removed her pantyshots fanservice scenes because of the feminists!!!". Needless to say none of this is real. Saria isn't even wearing a skirt but shorts, and these scenes never existed.
However, I don't write satire like that anymore. Because it'll never top the stupidity of what bigots will fabricate nowadays. That's why my preferred type of satire is something that would make bigots mad whether it's taken seriously or not.

I try my best to avoid scrolling social media outside my news lists, in order to avoid all discourses. Due to all the Zelda discussions happening lately, some of them spill on the Discord servers I'm active on. Most notably, a few days ago, someone shared this funny Palette Swap satire article claiming that Tupac is playing the Deku tree in OOT Remake. I want to stress out that I was not inspired by this joke. I already had my own black deku tree joke in mind, thanks to my online friends on the doogiescord.

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